The thing is, while people create belonging through love, others create it through judgment. They determine who belongs by stating who doesn’t.”–CATHY HUTCHISON
Ever thought about our human need to belong (and be loved) this way?
I haven’t (in-depth) until I read a Medium post titled “Why judgmental people are living in a world that isn’t real” by Cathy Hutchison in 2019.
That’s where this quote is from.
It’s important for us to realize how group dynamics play a big part in us judging—or not judging—others.
So, what to do when others are judging you?
- First, you cannot control what you cannot control. Let them be. Fight for yourself, defend yourself if other people attack you. Otherwise, keep your cool. And focus on what matters; your own life, your own progress, your own purpose, your own family and friends.
- Second, if you don’t have many friends (or no friends, at all)… know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there—for several years. The worst thing you can do is to give up your dignity and integrity trying to “fit in.” Especially, if these people are judging you for being you. Better stay alone, make a plan, and go execute.
- Third, stop judging yourself (and others). Even to this day, this is one of my biggest personal challenges. As far as I remember, I’ve never been through an entire day without staying judgmental-free. Far too easy to fall for it. Similar to meditation, it helps to bring your focus back on what matters… being present and not judging yourself. I found that not judging myself all the time has helped me become less judgmental toward others. Give it a try.
- Fourth, and last, love yourself. I know this may sound cheesy. It is cheesy. Before going to bed (and the first thing in the morning), I do this 99% of the time. I stand in front of one of my mirrors and repeat the words “I love myself.” Whether I feel like it or not. Sometimes I speak these words out loud, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes in English, sometimes in German. Sometimes I don’t do this exercise, at all. But I try to do it as often as possible.
Now, I don’t want to go into too much depth.
The mirror exercise won’t do miracles for you unless you change your life in general. Work on yourself, your style, your purpose, your current workplace, your friends, mayhaps the city you live in, whatever. Chances are I don’t know you personally. So, you know yourself best. Do what feels right—and what moves you in the right direction.
For more instructions (and the reason I’m doing ’em for a few years now)… check out Naval Ravikant’s book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. (No affiliate link.)
Last things last.
If you’re conscientious like me, perceptive, intuitive, considerate, finely tuned to feel the emotions of others—be it pain, pleasure, hope, despair, motivation, or whatever—know this:
It does make sense that you take life seriously.
Having slightly higher ambition than others…
Being slightly better organized than 99% of people out there…
Being slightly better/different than the majority, in other words…
…Can lead to not only living a fulfilling (social) life but also getting a disproportionately higher return on investment your long-term.
Be that money, time, energy, or a combo of the three.
Whether that’s getting in shape, making more moolah, or—waaaay more important—finding a meaningful mission for your life…
…It requires *some* level of seriousness.
Here’s the secret ingredient, tho:
You got to be serious and sleazy.
Otherwise, you harden.
You stay stuck.
Most people have it either one way or another.
Why not both?