“Be more outgoing, prominent, courageous!” … they tell us.
“Don’t think so much. Have fun and just do it.”
While it’s oftentimes well-meant advice, most of us (introverts) don’t feel authentic and real acting that way …
…deep inside ourselves we know that we’re faking who we really are. Why?
Because we’re introverts.
We’ve different necessities. This doesn’t mean we’re shy – if any, we’re quiet.
Shyness happens, however, when we feel something is wrong with US.
But this couldn’t be further away from the truth …
Unfortunately our extrovert-oriented culture (or Western culture) is reinforcing the extrovert ideal wherever possible:
In school, at the workplace, in the media, in movies … Everyone is supposed to be the great speaker, the charismatic leader, or the enthusiastic salesman.
But what about US?
What about the imaginative thinker? What about the writer or artist? What about the thoughtful investor? And what about the quiet personalities and leaders who left their memorable mark throughout human history?
“Goodbye, Albert Einstein!”, “Goodbye, Isaac Newton!”, “Goodbye Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, J.K. Rowling, Mahatma Gandhi, Larry Page, Steve Wozniak, Steven Spielberg, … !”
Nowadays everyone is supposed to “be an extrovert” …AKA mission impossible, but more on that later.
More and more people forget about the importance of the quiet introvert –and more importantly– what I call “introvert power”.
Introverts simply have different strengths than extroverts … Strengths the world desperately needs; we’ve INNER STRENGTH.
As Anaïs Nin, American Author, once famously said:
“Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.” –Anaïs Nin
Introvert Strengths and Weaknesses
But before we tap into our pool of inner strength and find out what you’re naturally good at, let’s take a look at some typical introverted weaknesses
(so you don’t fall into the trap of believing something is wrong with you!):
Introvert Weaknesses
Here’s a list of my weaknesses (some of them may sound familiar to you):
I …
- …hate small talk
- …prefer email and written communication over talking on the phone
- …don’t like to be in the spotlight with all attention on me
- …get lost in the shuffle
- …am quiet and sensitive (I consider these two as strengths nowadays!)
By focusing on our weaknesses and trying to eliminate them, we unconsciously adopt extrovert behavior. Why?
Because enjoying the company of large groups of people, talking on the phone, having small talk … are things extroverts are NATURALLY good at. They get stimulated by these activities, whereas our internal battery gets drained very easily. The brain of both extroverts and introverts are completely different wired…
And although most of us are both extroverted and introverted, one part dominates.
It’s the part where we feel at home. It’s the part where we’re at our personal best.
This leads us to the following conclusion:
1.) We MUST focus on our introvert strengths, not our weaknesses.
2.) No introvert can be as an authentic extrovert as an extrovert can be.
The same goes the other way around:
An extroverted person could force himself to act like an introvert (i.e. spending most of his time on his own while reflecting, contemplating, daydreaming) … however he’ll never be as happy, healthy and USEFUL as an introvert doing the same activities. Why?
Because he’s at his personal best when interacting with other people who are in his environment – this is what gives him energy, ideas … and how he interacts with the world.
For you and me, we’re at our personal best when we’re in solitude, when we’re contemplating about things that are in our mind – this is what gives us energy, ideas … and how we interact with the world.
We focus on the inner world, whereas extroverts focus on the outer world.
AND both are important for humanity. Both have their strengths and weaknesses.
Now, let’s put it all together for you:
You’ve unique gifts and talents that need to be nourished!
There’s only ONE you in this whole universe – you’re here for a reason.
The ONLY question is:
Will you live up to your full potential and highest self, and give the world the gift only you can give? The unique contribution only you can make?
Or will you try hard to ‘fit in’, be someone you’re not, please everyone around you (except yourself) … and end up miserable, frustrated and (best case scenario) mediocre?
Because focusing all your energy & effort on your weaknesses will 100% NOT lead to a fulfilling, happy & successful life; rather the opposite will happen. You’ll destroy your own self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, self-confidence, …
But what if you focused on your introvert strengths?
Well… first you need to know what your introvert strengths are–the “introvert power” you hold within you!
How To Find Your Inner Strength
Finding Your Introvert Strengths
Before coming to the strengths of an introvert, let us first make ONE declaration to ourselves and the world:
“As introverts we’re enjoying & valuing our own company PLUS the company of selected people we trust & have meaningful conversations with … AND doing a lot of other cool stuff, too.”
Now on to the best part:
Your strengths.
How we do it: The easiest way to find out what your strengths are is to become aware of them and use them on a consistent basis.
But how can you become aware of your strengths when you don’t know what the strengths of an introvert are?
Well, … in order to take a lot of frustration out for you, I’m going to give you a list of typical introverted strengths (Some may surprise you because they’re not openly lifted in our extroverted world):
Introvert Strengths
CALMNESS
- inner peace,
- focused,
- relaxed,
- clarity,
- meaning
CAUTION
- showing respect towards dialog partner(s),
- thinking before speaking,
- discreet,
- not disclosing too much information about yourself (e.g. important in negotiations!),
- proceeding cautiously,
- monitoring closely,
- taking only calculated risk
CREATIVITY and ANALYTIC THINKING
- ideas often come through sparks of intuition and solitude, NOT group meetings
- planning and structuring
- breaking down complex concepts into systems and solutions
EMPATHY
- caring for other people,
- understanding the other person,
- having less conflicts but more rapport,
- willing to compromise when necessary (harmony)
- arbitrating diplomatically
FOCUS
- concentrating with full energy on ONE activity, and follow this ONE activity until successful
INDEPENDENCE
- able to be alone,
- thinking for yourself,
- living by your own principles and values, no matter what other people say
LISTENING
- REALLY listening,
- responding to what the other person has just said → dialog
- making the other person feel special (people –especially extroverts– love to talk about themselves)
MEANING
- meaningful content and conversations,
- emphasizing basic facts,
- quality over quantity
TENACITY
- patient,
- long-winded,
- keeping marching on!
WRITING
- framing thoughts easier,
- proclaiming a clear intention,
- not forgetting important stuff
Summary
As you can see, being a quiet introvert has incredible benefits. Because once you discover your inner strength, appreciate and keep on improving it strategically …
…you identify yourself. You rediscover WHO you are, and how you can live your life in a way that is meaningful to you.
If you’d asked me about my strengths a few years ago, I would’ve had no idea what to say. Probably, I would’ve given you a blank look.
But if you asked about my strengths nowadays, my answer would be very clear. Why?
Because I’ve been using and developing my strenghts strategically using them every single day.
Finding your introvert strength helps you also becoming much more consciously aware of your introvert power and nature. This –in turn– helps you create a lifestyle that’s just right for you and makes you feel good in your own skin:
You begin to live a meaningful life.
Now, It’s Your Turn
Action Step: Think about how you can actively make use of your introvert strengths. Make a list of all your strengths and find ways to develop them.
If you, for instance, need space & alone-time in order to deliver best results, you probably have to gradually change your work environment, talk to your boss, or take a similar action in order to improve your life situation and overall happiness.
Remember that you’ve only this ONE life, and that life –no matter where you’re at right now or what you’ve been through– is a wonderful blessing.
Next up you got to know your values.
Though this blog post was about finding your introvert strengths, I need to briefly remind you of my upcoming article because without having strong values and principles in your life (or worse, subordinating and living by someone else’s values), it’s much harder to make real use of your new found strengths, and achieve happiness & fulfillment.
With that being said, stay tuned! In the next blog post, you’re going to learn an easy strategy that enables you to identify your values. If you want get more strategies and useful tips, you can go ahead and subscribe to our email newsletter below.
